I’m Angry
I know I’m not supposed to be. I mean, people have it a lot worse than me. I feel full of selfishness and self loathing.
First of all, I feel worthless. I can’t seem to find a job, and I can’t seem to understand it. I am a good employee with a wealth of skills and ten years of experience in my field. I am dumbfounded as to why, someone with my qualifications is unable to compete in the job market today. It’s not like being a receptionist or an administrative assistant requires a genius IQ. Two of the last three interviewers said I had an impressive resume and that I would be a great fit for their staffing needs. So, gee, why the hell don’t I have a job.
Secondly, my weight loss efforts have been totally sabotaged. To be fair, I have allowed them to be sabotaged. The crazy schedule, the stress and the general feeling of total unhappiness has caused me to have to abandon my fitness routine and turn to my old friend, food, for comfort. This will be the first time since September, that I will not meet my weight loss goal for the month. I’m totally devestated and I don’t know how to conquer it.
Lastly, I feel like an asshole to feel as if I am above housecleaning. I know I shouldn’t feel that way about it. But I truly hate it. I mean, I just feel like I am a smart, engaging person and I should have a job that utilizes that. I am miserable and almost thankful that I got dreadfully ill yesterday so that I could have a reprieve from the job that I hate.
All this makes me angry, hopeless and utterly confused as to what to do.