full grown

Had a loss of one pound at weigh in today, so at a total of 46.6 lost. I am so proud to have made it two days back on program.

I explained my Christmas bingeing to my LAWL counselor as an informed choice. I made the personal decision to “cheat” (I hate using that terminology) and I also made the amazing personal decision to get back on track.

You see, something has finally clicked. I will not always be a perfect diet angel. Opportunity to fail knocks often. But, it’s the getting back into the game that counts. This is where I had permanently failed before. But, now I realize that “cheating” (ugh) is not really cheating. It is just an opportunity for you to take a moment, enjoy what’s out there, and then get back to success once again.

It’s a great day.

Well, I succumbed to the holiday and ended up having around 3 or 4 really bad eating days in the past week or so. I made a concious decision to cheat on Christmas Eve since Matt and I had planned on having cheese and chocolate fondue.

I did better, for the most part, on Christmas until Matt broke out the champagne. It’s been a long time since I drank anything and I really let loose. It was fun, but I paid for it with a bit of a hangover this morning.

So, today, I am back on program and dealing with the inevitable withdrawals. I made it to the gym despite my hangover and made it through 65 minutes on the elliptical. It was much harder than usual today and my heart rate was higher than it usually is, but I’m going to attribute that to being dehydrated from all the alcohol.

I am really craving carbs today, but am trying to wait on dinner and just drink water to help the hungries.

I’ll go to deep water aerobics tonight so that I can burn some extra calories, and hopefully, cross my fingers, I won’t have gained any when I go in on Wednesday.

If I list my weigh in from last Thursday, I stand at 45.6 lbs lost. All I have to do is hang on to that and I will have reached my personal goal of having lost 45 lbs by the end of the year.

I’m logging in again to complain about everything being about food. I belong to a Mom’s group and both of their meetings this month are completely all about food.

One of the events was scheduled for tonight, and I have decided to decline my invitation and go to deep water aerobics instead.

Yeah, I could have gone and resisted temptation, and brought an apple to munch on while everyone else ate Christmas goodies and tempting deserts, but I guess I just get tired of being good all the time while everyone around me gets to do what they want.

Do I sound bitter?

I’m off to buy some fruit and salad to take to my brother’s for a birthday party this weekend….sigh….

Things are going better. I stuck to the diet all weekend and when I weighed in on Monday, I was a happy 4 pounds down. That makes it a total of 41.6 pounds!

I also did a full workout at the gym on Monday and went to deep water aerobics in the evening.

I got my cholesterol test results in the mail and was relieved to find that my numbers are all excellent! My total cholesterol was 153, my HDL at 53 and my LDL at 73.

It’s good to have my resolve back and some good news on the health front.

O.K. So, I officially hate the holidays. Or any day of celebration in my life. Why? Because all celebrations in the United States and probably anywhere else in the world are centered around food.

Thanksgiving was a total calorie disaster for me, and well, maybe it’s ok that it was because I had planned for it to be a cheat day. I wanted it to be a traditional food day for Matt and my brother and so I made all the bad stuff. Chicken Feed, aka Chex Mix, at a unhealthy, fat laden 171 calories per 1/2 cup. I guess not too bad if I could have stuck to just one serving, but, we all know I didn’t because I love the stuff.

Matt’s family introduced me to the evils of Mini Pecan Pie Tarts, or Pecan Tassies as they are known in the cookbook. These two bite evil bits of heaven are 120 calories each and I ate at least 9.

The rest of the evils were the usual butter rubbed turkey, mashed potatoes made with a whole stick of butter and real cream, green bean casserole, stuffing, candied yams and of course, pumpkin pie with Cool Whip. Needless to say, my body wasn’t happy about all the fat and salt and I felt nauseous when I went to bed that night.

The next day I weighed in and had, of course, gained a pound. So, I vowed to leave the leftovers alone and was a diet and exercise angel and when I weighed in on Monday, I had lost an impressive 6.4 lbs.

So, I continued with my angelic state because my birthday was on Wednesday and knew I would be going out and drinking and eating “bad” stuff.

On Wednesday, I strolled into weigh in knowing that I would be down more since I had behaved, and, after all, it was my freakin’ birthday so the weight loss gods have got to be good to me, right?

WRONG. Gain of 1.8. I cried in the car and forced myself to drive to the gym. I skipped my usual weight lifting routine and just focused on getting in 90 minutes of cardio. But, I was down all day. On my birthday.

Matt took me to Estes Park to celebrate my birthday and of course we went out to eat. I consumed way too many calories in alcohol and food. Still, I hoped that the next day we could hike in beautiful Rocky Mountain National Park and i could erase some of my sinning.

But, the weight loss gods were not smiling upon me. The temperatures were freezing, the snow was flying and the wind was blowing.

I came back, disappointed and upset and have used food to be my comfort since then. I let myself get into that familiar rut of allowing a couple of setbacks to get me down.

I did manage to make it to deep water aerobics tonight. I guess I have to allow myself that as a victory and vow to do better tomorrow.